All posts filed under: My ED Story

how-to-feel-good-living-in-your-body

Part III: How to feel good living in your body (More of Gaby, Less of Ana)

Today’s post is the last installment in the is 3-part series of my story of how I fell into my disordered eating, my experiences with Ana, and how my journey of recovery.   If you missed the previous two posts: feel free to catch up on the links below: Part I: How I Met Ana Part II: How Ana Took Over   Today’s Part III post is focused on giving you a few tips on how to truly live in your body and feel good in doing it! Based on my experience with my eating disorder, much of it had taken up place in my mind, that I was no longer sensing / denying how my body felt. Yet, our body’s intuitive signals can be a source of guidance for us to feeling our best, if we learn to listen to it.       On Recovery My recovery wasn’t one of those one step forward continuous uphill. On many of the days I felt beaten. There were days where I couldn’t discern which of …

Part II: How Ana Took Over

*WARNING: this post contains vivid descriptions of what I did to lose weight. Please take aware what I did was very harmful to my body and that this is not a healthy method to lose weight. If this might trigger you, please do not read on. The intention of this post is for you to get to know about my journey of how I became anorexic and how Ana was a manifestation of what had become my habitual critical judgmental way of thinking after 10 years.   More of Ana, less of Gaby   I went back to Edinburgh for the start of year 2. I began researching what foods can help you lose weight, voluminous foods, to eat more veggies and fruits since they are filled with fibre and fill you up. I cut off all carbs and fat. I began incessantly calorie counting. I portioned out my meals. I weighed every single gram of food.   I went on a strict eating and fitness routine. Breakfast was a small bowl of plain oatmeal …

Part I: How I Met Ana

The trigger point The first Summer holiday in my first year of university, I went back home to Jakarta. I met my Mom (don’t get me wrong here, I love her, but she can be quite upfront with her comments) greeted me with a hug and a smile and said, ‘What happened?? You gained weight? You’re so much rounder and LOOK at your THIGHS?!’   Ouch.   At this point, I was so happy to be back home and to see my family, that I just shrugged off the comments and laughed about it, saying that I probably had too much good food.   The next morning, I weighed myself and I was shocked. The scale read 62kg / 137 pounds. So, in my first year away from home, at university I gained around 10 kg / 22 pounds.   I’m 5ft 4 inches (160cm) and my natural weight was usually 52-55 kg (114 – 121 pounds).       How in in the world did this happen??   I had a flashback to all …