I was typing away and editing the photos for the Maple Almond Butter Granola Bars on Thursday night, which was scheduled for the usual Saturday recipe post. Unfortunately the writing and editing did not last long. My clumsy self accidentally tipped the open water bottle that was next to me and the water spilled all over my keyboard. Within a fraction of a second my laptop shut down.
I was mortified. I panicked and I think hyperventilated as I desperately wiped the water in between the A G H K I S P J K keyboard keys and felt tears welling up. I tried pressing the on button again, but of course my laptop that had been faithfully with me for the past 7 or 8 years or so just died. You might think it’s funny how attached I am to my mac laptop, but it has been through A LOT with me. It was there when I made my first unpublished fantasy novel entitled Metamorphosis way back when I was in high school, it’s been there with me through all of the late nights essay journal writing, it was there when I graduated high school, it was there when I wrote my first mumbly jumbly law essay that I had no idea what I was talking about, it was there when I started this blog back in December of last year. I have used it so much that I think the keyboard knows the tips of my fingertips more than I do.
Long story short- I took it to the technician yesterday morning and they took apart the bottom part of my laptop and said, ‘Yeap, there’s the water droplets…’ My heart just fell to the pit of my stomach. ‘You have to let it dry for 2 days, and DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TURN IN ON. Take it back to me on Monday morning and fingers crossed it turns on.’
Yes. fingers crossed.
So here I am. currently typing this blog post from a friend’s laptop and fervently praying that my laptop will heal (I’m sorry for spilling water on you!) and come back to life on Monday.
Our work as an extension of our Truest Selves
So without my laptop, I wasn’t able to do any work for the past 3 days.
I didn’t know what to do. I felt so lost.
There was a point in my life a few years back where all I could do was keep myself busy. I felt so guilty at the thought of just sitting, letting go, and relaxing, that I just couldn’t do it. I felt like I had to be continually working, continually busy, and continually productive. I think I knew why I was borderline addicted to working. I would fill up my schedule with anything and everything, even things that I didn’t like to do but felt like I had to do. My work was scattered. It wasn’t focused. Most times I felt like I had to sacrifice myself just for the sake of getting a particular work done. Deep down, I felt like I had to prove something. That’s not true work though and it left me constantly drained. I learned the hard way, and had to uproot my core belief of seeking approval from something outside of me and have learned over the years to internally validate myself. We don’t need to feel like we need to prove ourselves, because our soul was and is already complete when we came into this world. It’s only when we begin giving power to the voices of this world that says,’we are not good enough’, we begin feeling the need to prove ourselves in our work.
Being busy keeps us preoccupied, it gives our minds to focus on. That’s good in one sense, but like any addiction, it becomes harmful when we use our constant ‘busyness’ from actually reflecting, ‘who are we without our work?’
Our work should only be a manifestation of our most truest selves and at our core, our most truest self is Love. That’s what our soul is and it’s natural for us to be drawn to do the work that we Love because that’s our soul speaking to us.Our work should only be a manifestation of our most Truest Selves; that of Love. Click To Tweet
On Loving our work
I have had the blessing of being able to get so lost in the work that I do, writing, writing, writing, thinking, baking, learning photography, connecting with you guys through this blog, that I felt so lost when it suddenly came to a halt. I am grateful to have find something that I connect with so deeply that it fulfils me right to my very core, that when my laptop shut down, I felt like something that have been deeply a part of me was cut off.
The past 3 days, it literally forced me to sit down and just be. That’s hard to do, and I think it’s something that we all struggle with. I was raised in a culture that praised and validated The question kept on coming up to mind, ‘Who am I without my work?’ Can I accept myself fully without working on something?’ My mind kept on running here, there, everywhere; grasping for something to productively think about, and eventually to nowhere.
A part of our calling in life is to find what we love to do and how we can use that it is we love to express our Love for others. It’s going to look very differently for everyone the work that we love to do, because each of us are unique manifestations of Love. The work that we do should fulfil us and energize us, because then we are able to give our Truest Self into the work that we do. It is from that space that we are able to connect with others, move hearts, and make an impact with our work.
Our Love and the Love that we give
But how do you balance doing the work that you love, without letting it consume you or define you?
After much reflection, this is the answer I’ve come to. Our work is only one part of us. When we are able to come back to our core, that of Love, a Love that is not attached to anything external, we can embrace who we are by just fully being in our presence. There’s deep rest in that, because we come to understand that the work that we do is only an external manifestation of Love.
No act is lesser than another, when we come from a place of Love. An ac that is for one person is as important as it is for a thousand people. Also, when the work that we love to do does get interrupted, we can take it as a reminder that the Love that we are is not attached or defined by it. We then come to realise that we can express this Love that we are in so many different ways, by listening to our friends, by helping another, or even when we are just resting and being fully with ourselves.
I remember the time when my mom’s organic business had crumbled, the business that she had put so much of her soul and heart into, she went into a period of depression because she felt that she had lost a part of herself. But what’s good is that a few years later, she was able to build again from the ground up, because she realised that her work was only a manifestation of her Love. When we lose something, it does not affect the Love that we are eternally imprinted with. Sometimes it might feel like we lost something, but that is only in the physical level, it has not put a tear in the fabric of our souls.
I hope that this post has helped those of you who may be struggling with a moment of your life, where you feel like you might have lost something that you have given your utmost to. Trust that you have not lost anything, but however have gained an understanding of the infinite worth of your Love.What we need to learn is to not be attached to something, but instead to give our Love in each every moment. Click To Tweet